Thursday, April 9, 2015

Week 12: Storytelling: Two stories about People

Two Stories about People

Once upon a time there was an old couple, who lived in a huge house outside of the city. They were both retired and extremely rich. Recently they purchased two luxuries cars and placed them into their garage. Little did they know, there was a thief who was watching their every move since they moved in. He was planning on stealing their cars from the couple. He just had to figure out the right time.

One day the old man had to go to a doctor’s appointment, and he left his wife at home. The thief seized the opportunity to break into the house and manage to steal one of the new cars. He took the car and drove away with it. Upon the husbands return, he saw his wife pacing back and forth panicking. He asked what was wrong, and she said that a thief came and stole one of their brand new cars. The two began to search everywhere for the car. As they were searching the wife recognized the thief who had stolen the car.  They began to chase him down until they reached his house. The couple questioned him about the car, and the thief said that he already sold it, so there is nothing they can do about it. Laughing while he said this the thief told the couple that there was no way of proving the crime he had committed. The couple realizing that they had nothing to lose now, the husband reached for his side and pulled out a gun, and shot the thief in the head.



Bully - Charles LeBlanc



One day there was a little boy. He loved to play with his friend on the playground, but recently a bully always came on the playground when the little boy was playing and beat him up. The little boy was tired of this and needed to find a way to put an end to this. He asked one of his friends at school what he should do. The friend told the little boy to go make friends with a bigger bully, and have that bully beat up the one who was bullying you. The litter boy thought it was a genius plan. Over the next week, the little boy made friends with a bigger kid who was also a bully. The boy eventually convinced the big kid to go beat up the bully for picking on him. He agreed, and on the next day out at the playground the bigger bully beat up the smaller one. The litter boy was so happy that he could barely even sleep that night!


The next day, the bigger bully who helped the little boy came up to him on the playground and beat him up too! The boy was shocked and asked what the problem was. The big bully said that he learned from one of the boy’s friends that he never wanted to be the big kid’s friend, and just used him for revenge on the smaller bully! 

Author's note
This week I decided to base my stories over Three Stories about Snakes. In the original story there are three separate, and quick stories about snakes. Each one is different, but all have a snake that plays a major role. In my version, I just wanted to try and come up with my own to tell, but instead of snakes I used people. If you haven't read the original, and you would like too, I based my two stories off the first in the original. They are completely two different tales, but I tried to base the situation in each story similar to its counterpart. 

6 comments:

  1. This story was so interesting. When I first read them I had no idea what was going on. The poor couple had no idea that they were going to be robbed but shooting the thief. Harsh! And the poor little boy just wanted someone to fight the bully that hurt him, and he ended up getting hurt twice! Your author’s note did wonderfully to make all of this confusion make sense.

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  2. Both of these stories were very interesting. The first story about the old couple and the thief did not end like I imagined it would. I definetly was not expecting the husband to pull out a gun and shoot the thief.

    I really liked the second story about the little boy. It teaches a great lesson about the importance of not using other people for the purpose of fulfiling your own needs.

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  3. Both of these stories were very interesting. The first story about the old couple and the thief did not end like I imagined it would. I definetly was not expecting the husband to pull out a gun and shoot the thief.

    I really liked the second story about the little boy. It teaches a great lesson about the importance of not using other people for the purpose of fulfiling your own needs.

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  4. These stories seems a bit too short. I felt as though I didn't really get much out of reading them. Perhaps you could pick one and really elaborate more, giving more personality to the characters. Also, I would have liked the author's note to be longer. You should summarize the original stories, not just give links to them. And let us know why you liked or disliked the story and if you changed anything!

    "Recently they purchased two luxuries cars..." - should be "luxury cars"

    "He was planning on stealing their cars from the couple." - the sentence doesn't make sense, grammatically. It should either be "He was planning on stealing their cars." or "He was planning on stealing the cars from the couple." or something like that. Having both "their" and "from the couple" is redundant.

    "...and manage to steal one of the new cars." - should be "...and managed to steal..."

    "The couple realizing that they had nothing to lose now, the husband reached for his side and pulled out a gun, and shot the thief in the head." - the tenses here are inconsistent. Try "The husband, realizing that they had nothing to lose now, reached for his gun and shot the thief in the head."

    "The friend told the little boy to go make friends with a bigger bully, and have that bully beat up the one who was bullying you." - the pronouns here are inconsistent. Try "The friend said to go make friends with a bigger bully, and have that bully beat up the one who was bullying little boy."

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  5. Hey Anthony, This was amazing! I loved very bit of it. Choosing to write the story without dialogue was a good decision for this style. It definitely made the stories short and sweet and allowed for a better flow so you could include two different stories within one storytelling. I like this idea of taking one story and dividing it up into two. Great job!

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  6. This is the first retelling I've read that contains two stories. I see that you modernized them and changed the characters.

    In the first sentence, you can remove the comma. In the second to last sentence of that same paragraph, it should say "the" instead of "their".

    In the second paragraph, it should say "managed" instead of "manage" and "husbands" should be "husband's". There should also be a comma between "searching" and "the wife" as well as between "this" and "the thief".

    I was totally not expecting the old man to shoot the thief in the head!

    In the first paragraph of the second story, it should say "bullying him" instead of "bullying you". In the last sentence of that paragraph, it says "litter" instead of "little".

    What a creative way to share the moral of the original story in a modern context.

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